I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
