please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
