vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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