I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I FOUND THE LEGS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
