I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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