You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
