Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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