sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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