I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
