bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize