going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
