i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
