i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
