if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
