i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
