what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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