You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
