In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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