i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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