Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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