Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
