We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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