i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
