somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
