Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think my mom watched the whole time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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