And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
