He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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