I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
