Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
