They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
