All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
