he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
