I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there's paper in my vomit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
