She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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