Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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