those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
