Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
