Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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