I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
