morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
