Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
