I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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