Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
