I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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