Swine flu. Run for my life!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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