the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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