yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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