The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
