idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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