The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
