fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
