you mean i was at the winter classic?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
