Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
