Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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