yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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