I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
