Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
