I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
