Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
