she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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