He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize