Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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