I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
