he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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