I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
