I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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