He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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