wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
