just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish you could order shots online.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
