Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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