im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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