My underwear smells like fireworks.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
