did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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