Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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