check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
