What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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