worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Welp...herpes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize