don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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