so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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